MARRIAGE
EBF Perspective on Biblical Marriage
The Bible teaches that marriage is a permanent, life-long, God-ordained, and sexually exclusive covenant between one man and one woman. The Bible also teaches that God hates divorce and that any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is sin.
Emmanuel Bible Fellowship desires to build strong marriages and families. We view marriage as a gift from God for both believers and non-believers
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Since we are living in a broken world, we know that marriages can fail and we need to be prepared to respond in grace and truth.
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14
Marriage is a God-ordained, public covenant between one man and one woman that results in a “one-flesh” relationship.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
“So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God;” Proverbs 2:16-17
“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine.” Ezekiel 16:8
“But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Malachi 2:14
God’s heart for marriage is that it would be a permanent, life-long relationship based on the fact that God is a covenant keeping God and His strength within us enables us to maintain, rebuild and restore any marriage.
God hates divorce
“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and [c]him who covers his garment with violence,” says the LORD of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”.” Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
God allows divorce because of the hardness of people’s hearts.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.” Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“He said to them, Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Matthew 19:8
His instruction to “let man not separate” is actually an instruction to the new bride and groom to not, by their actions, do anything to separate this covenant.
“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6
“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:9
It’s not a blanket statement prohibiting divorce for any reason. Our view on the Biblical teaching of marriage is that God desires for marriages to be life-long, but due to sin there are at least two valid causes for divorce apart from death: sexual immorality/unfaithfulness – the breaking of the “one flesh union”.
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32
“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9
Also, desertion by an unbelieving spouse.
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15
The Bible allows, but does not require, divorce for sexual unfaithfulness. God’s extreme grace towards us requires that we become men and women who model grace in our relationships as well, and we have hope that through the power of God even the most broken of marriages can be restored. However, when there has been sexual unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage are allowed, and do not constitute adultery.
If someone divorces without a valid cause, they are still married in God’s sight. If one of them remarries, their new sexual union is adultery against their former spouse, and the first marriage is ended. We would pray that this new union would seek repentance for adultery, receive God’s forgiveness, and work to make this new marriage a God-honoring, permanent covenant. The former spouse is now single and free to remarry.
“And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:3-12
The Apostle Paul introduces one other clear exception in Scripture in when an unbeliever is married to a believer.
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” 1 Corinthians 7:15
In this situation the believer should seek to build a healthy, life-long marriage, but if the unbeliever deserts their spouse, the believer, after patient prayer, is free to divorce and remarry.
“If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” 1 Corinthians 7:13-14
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” 1 Peter 3:1-2
Unfortunately, in our current world there are other destructive behaviors that can radically change a family and marriage. Sexual addiction, even when it doesn’t lead to physical adultery, is still a form of evil destructive lust and is worthy of church discipline.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28
Abuse, in any form, directed toward a spouse or children is so serious that it will lead to church discipline and excommunication for the unrepentant abuser.
Refusal to provide for one’s family may be a form of denying the faith and desertion.
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
In these cases, and any others that fall under this category, church leadership will:
- seek to remove family members from all physical danger,
- follow required legal reporting,
- confront the abuser,
- provide care and resources for the abused first, and the abuser second,
- bring church discipline and excommunication when appropriate
Unmarried sexual cohabitation is a form of sexual sin that seeks intimacy without commitment. The couple should either separate or make a marriage covenant in the eyes of God and man.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4
“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.” Romans 13:1